Do We even have to wonder?

So, I recently watched a documentary entitled "The Diary of a Tired Black Man" and in this documentary a man was being filmed, as he went around asking women and men of a variety of different ethnicities and races what they thought the problem with black men was. Why is it the black man is so highly disregarded among women was one of the questions he asked.

This documentary was more than interesting to me, as I am a black man myself. Throughout the documentary the lives of a couple and their friends were documented as well, and it was amazing to see how women treat men, not just black men, but men as a species in general.

In the documentary they complained about how men are dogs, and they're insensitive, and they talk down to you, don't women do these things as well? The issue of single parent homes was brought up, and a lot of the people in the documentary said that in order for anyone to be raised properly, they need the guidance of both parents in the homes. A very salient point, this stood out to me very much, and I thought about this phenomena from a Bahamian perspective.

Let's bring it home for a minute. In the Bahamas there are a considerable amount of single parent homes, in which some of the children turn out just fine, and in some others, they're not as lucky. In my opinion however, it is not the fact that the child is raised in a single parent home that he or she has turned out "wrong" it is because of the parent.

Wait, wait, hear me out. I have personally witnessed women tell their sons, "you ga be just like ya pa, good fa nuttin" or, "you no good just like ya ole worthless daddy", then what about the households with the little girls in them. Some of them are exposed to mommy sleeping with Tom, Dick, Harry, Peter and Larry, and each one is responsible for a different bill, how is that little girl supposed to respect her mother, how else do you expect her to end up? She is going to do the very same things her mother did, and she won't be respected, as she won't know how to respect herself and her body.

We wonder why there is so much crime amongst our nation, and why the National Average can't move, we wonder why the AIDS count climbs every year, and why the church is no longer seen as a place of Holiness, stop wondering people, the answer is LUCIDLY clear. It's because of us. The way we do things. How are we expecting our children to lead or nation when we can't do it ourselves?

We have to change the way we speak to our babies, "you so dumb" "ya black ugly self" if you are CONSTANTLY exposed to this type of verbal abuse throughout your life, what do you expect the outcome to be?

I myself am a tired Black man, tired of people condemning the entire species because of a few bad experiences you may have had. If you're so pissed off at us, if you so badly want a "good man" realize one when you see him, rather than talking down to your sons and nephews and brothers, uplift them, encourage them, speak life into them. A good man isn't someone that beats the crap out of you "because he loves you", a good man isn't someone who cheats on you with your sister or best friend, on the same token though, a strong woman, as this was an argument presented in the film, they said that men can't handle strong black women. I have to say, there is a huge difference between strong and ignorant. Being a strong black woman does not mean cursing and carrying on every opporutnity you get, it does not mean having 6 different men to "handle your business" it does not mean insulting your sons because of the mistakes his father made, a man you laid with enough times to make 3 or 4 DIFFERENT babies, come on man, how silly can we be?

I am sick and tired of being typecasted a "dog" because of the way you've been treated, I am not him, and he is not me, what gives you the right to categorize me? In every situation in life, whenever things happen to us, and they don't go the way we planned, we need to sit back, analyze the situation, and see what went wrong, that doesn't mean cast blame, that means exactly what it says, analyze the situation and see what went wrong. Look at the situation objectively and figure out what both you and the other person did wrong, AVOID these same mistakes in the future, and move forward with a clean slate. Carrying your previous woes into a future relationship will only end in failure.

Lastly, we have to become an uplifting, enlightening people. Bob Marley said in a song, "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but us can free our minds". That is so true. The only person that bounds us is ourselves. We have to learn to forgive, become a more peaceful people, encourage our fallen brothers, how else do we expect answers? How else do we expect them to be our leaders? If we don't then do we even have to wonder why our people are the way they are?

This has been Collegeguy.

The many faces of Skiing.

Ever been skiing? I have. It's one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced in my entire life. It was awesome.

On my way to the ski rink, I was a bit nervous, a million thoughts were racing through my head, what if I fall and hurt myself? What if I end up, somehow off of the ramp, into some ditch somewhere and die? What if one of my skis comes loose and I break a leg..all semi irrational, but hey..I was nervous. So I arrive, and I look around, and I see all the babies skiing, some alone, some with their parents, and I'm like well ok Amad, if they can do it, then by George so can you.

Gave myself a little pep talk, said a nice prayer, and all was well. My first attempt was ok, not very impressive, but it was ok, but by the end of the day, oh my..I was indeed THE best skier that had ever lived. Well maybe not THE best,but I was pretty good.

I never realized just how liberating it would be. I felt like a different person when I left the ski rink. I had done something I was afraid to do, and while I was up there I had a lot of time to think about stuff, different things that have been bothering me lately. It was indeed, truly amazing.

I recommend that all people should go skiing at least once in their lifetime, you'll have a blast.


This has been Collegeguy.

Seriously?

Oh! I forgot to tell you! So last night, I'm laying in my bed, JUST getting settled, ready to go to sleep, and I heard a noise, it was indistinctive, so I ruled it out, and like A HALF A SECOND later, a sound like no other. It was horrible, I don't even know how to explain it. It was the fire alarm, my first thought was is this for real?

"Come on, you don't wanna get burned right?" One girl said to me...burned? What the hell? I don't even see no smoke, how will I get burned? Anyway, I went downstairs in the FREEZING cold. All the while thinking, if the idiot who did this is still alive he or she is going to pay.

Apparently, the dorm I live in has the weakest smoke detectors ever, and so showering could set them off, seriously. So we're downstairs, FREEZING, and the safey and security guys are like ok, move it over here, we have to access the situation...well I already knew what the deal was, some pot head had been smoking again, and set off the alarms.

I SWEAR I could be psychic. I was right. If you know the smoke detectors are weak, why do you INSIST on smoking in your room? Taking me out of my nice, warm, accustomed to my body, bed. That's not sexy at all.

Anyway, so the guy who was getting high got found out supposedly, all's well. But seriously man, 1:00 a.m you gettin high and disturbin my rest? Not sexy at all.

This has been collegeguy.

Oh Canada!

So I'm in the second month already..can you believe it? In no time it'll be back to insane traffic and high temperatures. Time is going so fast.

If I'm to be honest with myself, I'd have to say that things are not going the way I planned. Well academically at least, I got two C's on two of my midterms, I know, I know..totally unacceptable. I can't understand it. Well maybe I can, I didn't study hard enough, but things are REALLY different here, sounds like I'm making excuses, but seriously they are. Takes a bit of getting used to, as does any new situation and change in life right? I'll get through it though, I always do.

On a lighter note, it's SPRING BREAK!! WOO HOO!! I'm going to have my first "Canadian Experience"this week, I'm going snow boarding, that should be exciting, can't wait for that. Other than that, I guess I'll just be home, enjoying the snow and such, I love it soo much, it's freaky sometimes. I'd much prefer living here, than home, simply because I don't sweat. It's the BEST feeling ever! Lol...anyway, I'm rambling. It's amazing how time flies when you're having fun.

This has been collegeguy

If this isn't love, tell me what it is..

Love is a powerful thing, is it not? It makes us do silly things, that somehow in retrospect we probably would never do again, or thought, really? What is THAT severe? Well sometimes it could be, sometimes love clouds all judgement, and we do things, totally irrational, out of character things. All in the name of love.

I know of a girl, who's comtemplating suicide, because her boyfriend left her- again. It's one thing to be in love, or to love someone, but it's another thing to be stupid. Perhaps love has that affect on us also...who knows? That may be a bit harsh, but I don't understand how we allow people to have such control over us. Suicide? SERIOUSLY?

Maybe it is understandable. As human beings, we have a natural desire to be accepted, to be loved, to feel appreciated and wanted, and that desire and most often the concept, the idea of being in love is what harms us most. We're often in love with the idea of being in love, and so we put ourselves in situations we know make no sense, just to have a reason to say "I love you".

Loving someone, admittedly is a great feeling, having that equal that you can rely on for just about ANYTHING, trusting and knowing that with that kiss, all of your troubles can melt away, that person that makes you weak in your knees, that consumes all of your thoughts, your every being even, that person that you'd potentially give that being for...wow...even I want it. But at what cost?

Why should there be a price for this great gift of love, and why must it be so damn expensive?

On this Valentine's Day, the day of "love" (don't wanna get started on that) perhaps we need to take a look at ourselves, our relationships, take stock, and ensure that we are in it for the right reasons. LOVE is not taking advantage of someone, or having someone take advantage of you, LOVE is not about manipulation and degredation, LOVE is not about self loathing and self hatred. If that's how he says "I love you", then my dear there is a problem and you need to RUN.

Suicide is not the answer, why give him that much control, that much power, and the satisfation? We should never allow someone to have THAT much control over our lives. I know that you're hurting right now, and you feel like your world can crumble at any minute, but don't give up hope, the most important love of all is love of self and love of God. Love yourself enough to save yourself, learn from this experience, heed its warnings, and move forward.

Moral of the story children, is that love or the idea of being in love should never have such adverse affects on us, if it does, then it's not love. Love yourself first and foremost, for then you'll be able to love, and know how to be loved. Love genuinely, passionately, and appropriately...if he ain't feeling you, he ain't feeling you...there's nothing else you can do. Let it go.

Heed my warning. Love you first, and all will be well.

This has been collegeguy.